Finally! We saw the midwife on Saturday. It was good to at long last get some fairly straight answers to questions (not from you guys off course, but from the medical system I am going to entrust Diane and the new baby to). To be fair the midwife was very good. She did the souped up microphone thing on Diane’s tummy again, but she still didn’t find a heartbeat. Diane’s blood pressure was normal and she is in good health.
We got to ask questions (some that you guys have suggested) and the midwife asked us some too.
It seems though; Diane and I have very different views on genetic testing. I would like them done, partly to give us a clue as to the odds of having a problem, but mainly because we get to have 2 scans - a dating scan and a full scan.
Diane on the other hand does not want to have the tests. If there is a problem she feels she will have trouble coping with the decisions we will then have to make. Do we bring a child into the world that will not have a the full quality of life we should all have the right to expect, or do we have a termination and deal with the emotional consequences that it would bring?
For me the decision would be an obvious one (the cost emotionally would be rather more difficult to deal with). I see it like this. If you are in a car heading towards a cliff, does closing your eyes make the cliff go away?
After talking about it briefly I explained to Diane why I thought we should at least have the tests. My main focus was on the fact we get two scans and a fairly accurate EDOB. However in the back of my mind I can’t help worrying about what will happen if these and subsequent tests prove positive.
Diane is thinking about it. Still, we are trying to be positive – it may not even get to that stage.
What are other people’s experiences with this? Did you get the tests done? And how did the results turn out.
Your thoughts on the subject would truly be appreciated.
Have a great week!
Tim.
4 comments:
I, personally, would never want the tests. I couldn't imagine finding out that I had a child coming that was going to have problems. It's already scary enough just imagining that she may have something minor wrong (like her dad's personality!). Knowing would just make the rest of the pregnancy nerve-wracking! If I have any clue why your wife doesn't want them done, it's b/c a woman's entire mind and thought process changes when she gets pregnant. Not only do you begin to worry and imagine strange things more, but you also can't control any of your thoughts. I think it's better to just leave it up to fate and find out when the time comes, and let the little imaginary scenarios be the worst that you have to deal with. Also, those tests are not very accurate, and could very easily be wrong. Then imagine if they told you your child will have this terrible problem, and you spend months worrying and preparing for it, and your child comes out fine. Or, worse, you terminate your pregnancy for nothing. Finally, would it truly matter to you if your child had problems? Yes, it would make it a lot harder on you both. However, it's your child, and won't you love it unconditionally, regardless of what comes? (I'm guessing the answer to that is yes, since you went all the way to the trouble of starting a blog all about becoming a dad!) Would you honestly act on it if you found out that there could be something wrong with your baby when it comes?
Well, that's just me. One question, though. Why can't the midwife find a heartbeat? If she is past 8 weeks, there should be no problem finding one. It's faint, yes, but if she knows what she's doing, then she should be able to find it.
When I was pregnant, our midwife told us to think about what we would do if we found out there was a problem. If we were sure that we wouldn't terminate the she said it wasn't worth having the tests (because if something is wrong, you'll only worry for the next 6 months). If we would consider termination then that's when she would recommend the genetic screening.
I wouldn't be so hung up on dating and the estimated DOB. It's not that easy to predict and I knew a couple whose EDOB changed about 10 times in the course of their pregancy...and they ended up having the baby about a month earlier than expected.
Maybe you ask for the dating scan without doing the additional genetic testing.
Enjoy your first ultrasound! It's an amazing experience.
Hey Tim,
Maybe this same tests go by different names so if I'm telling you something you already know tell me to shut up.
We opted to not get genetic testing because the test to determine whether or not the fetus would have downs syndrome involves sticking a needing into your wife's uterus and can cause a miscarriage.
It's my understanding that they are doing some great work in the UK on checking for genetic testing looking at something called the neucal translucency. This test was not available to us in Canada but is possibly an indicator of genetic issues. Has something to do with the thickness of something or other in the uterus (what do I know...I'm just a computer nerd).
If we could have had a non-invasive test then I would have, but not a test with a risk of terminating the pregnancy prematurely.
Like Kat O+ said before me, if you would terminate given a genetic abnormality then you should get the tests (and at first I was really sitting on the fence on this one).
If it doesn't matter, then weigh out the risks (both of losing the pregnancy and the cost of being sad) because the tests can be wrong and you'll be getting yourself all upset over nothing.
At your age, the chances of having a child with a genetic disorder are quite rare. Although I don't know Diane's age...If she's over 35 then give it some thought.
That's my 2 cents but after exchanging into Pounds it's not worth much at all!!
Take it ez Dude! Glad to hear Diane is feeling better. Happy Valentine's to the both of you.
My husband and myself had decided against the tests. We personally didn't want to have to worry about the POSSIBILITY of one of these things occuring. The first test they normally run is a blood test, the triple screen, sometime around the 18th week. However, when we found out that our baby's umbelical cord had a rare anomaly called Single Umbelical Artery, normally umbelical cords had two, we decided to find out if there was a chance of something being wrong. But only because of the other finding via an ultrasound. An amniocentesis is not necessary to find out the likelyhood of one of these disorders. We were thoroughly relieved when the tests all came back negative. Neither one of us had wanted an amnio, due to the statistic of 1 out of 200 resulting in miscarriage. Anyhow, if nothing else appears wrong via an ultrasound, why worry yourself? Now, however, we know that in the future we won't have any problems due to the tests run now...
Keep in mind that termination of pregnancy is not the only reason for these tests, it's also helpful to know before hand to prepare yourself, and get information, prior to the baby being born. Is a child with a genetic problem going to be less loved? Not at all, but you can find out how to care for the child, and what to expect if that possibility occurs. Keep in mind, most of the problems looked for are very unlikely to occur. What it comes down to is, what will give you and your wife the most peace of mind?
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